Life is just a performance now
But, it doesn't have to be - based on scientific research, we can move constant performing to creative freedom.
Our lives don’t have a “backstage” anymore.
We used to have parts of ourselves that no one saw. We had moments no one captured, meals no one photographed, thoughts no one cared to publish.
But now, we’re all the main character. And everywhere we go, it feels like we’re performing. Even our most private moments - our morning routines, the simple act of making something, our innermost thoughts - are edited through a filter of fitting in.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about this concept first introduced by sociologist Erving Goffman in the 1950s: That we all have a front stage and a backstage self.
The front stage is where we perform - we follow the script, we play our part, we wear the mask. And, the backstage is where we can be messy, unfiltered and real.
Ultimately, it’s where our creative selves are born.
But nowadays, the backstage is disappearing: There’s no place left to be unremarkable, unedited or unproductive - and let our creative brains explore.
When we live in this performance mode 24/7, it’s not just uncomfortable. It pushes us towards an entire life of conformity - to trends, to algorithms, to other people’s expectations of who we “should” be.
And, in that process, we lose the very thing that makes us, us: our authentic, creative voice.
At Daydreamers, see this as a major societal and psychological block to living creatively healthy lives. We call it: The Cost of Conformity.
It’s what happens when we never step off the stage - when life becomes a nonstop performance. Over time, that constant self-monitoring leads to creative stagnation, emotional burnout, and a painful disconnection from who we really are.
And, collectively? We end up living in a world filtered by Tiktok trends that drive our music, AI-written emails filling our inboxes, and lives that look like they were copy-pasted.
Hey there - Katina here. I’m a Creative Health Scientist, and the Co-founder & Chief Science Officer of Daydreamers. Every week, I explore the science of Creative Health - or how we can all live the most meaningful, beautiful, and creative lives.
If you're new here: Welcome. I'm so glad you found us. And if you’ve been reading for a while - thank you. I’m so grateful you’re building a creatively healthy world with us.
I’ll be honest with you: Bringing my backstage self forward is the personal work of my life. And even for me as someone who studies creative authenticity - creating, speaking, and living from my authentic voice takes practice.
But, here’s what I’ve learned - not just in the scientific research, but in my own personal creative process, too: When you finally understand the true cost of conformity - and experience the wild, creative freedom that exists on the other side of performing - you never want to go back.
That feeling? It’s called self-transcendence - and it’s exactly what our Creative Health makes possible.
As a world right now, it’s never been more important for us to prioritize our own creative, human authenticity. But to do so? We have to stop performing first.
Conformity: The Psychological Cost of Fitting In
From a scientific perspective, conformity isn’t just a random experience - it’s a side-effect of our biological wiring.
That’s because as human beings, we are a social species. And for most of our history, fitting in meant survival.
Think about it this way: In ancient times, if we stood out from our tribe, our support system, we quite literally couldn’t survive. It wasn’t just embarrassing to be different - it was dangerous. Without community, we were left to fend for ourselves, and likely, we’d starve, get injured - or worse.
So, our brain evolved to register feelings of shame - or being excluded from the “in” group - as a literal threat. So much so, that neuroscientific studies now show that when we feel excluded, it activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain.
When we don’t fit in? It - quite literally - hurts.
Now, this biological need to belong can be a beautiful thing. But, in today’s hyper-connected world, it’s gone into overdrive.
When we’re constantly exposed to curated standards of beauty and success - all quantified by likes, follows, and algorithmic approval - we can see, numerically and immediately, just how liked we really are.
Even more, whereas centuries ago, we had to read other’s body language and form bonds to understand what others thought of us - we can now react to it right on our phones. Because of that, we often experience that shame and pain alone.
Cue the spiral of conformity.
Jia Tolentino, one of my favorite writers, calls this "living as content." Our lives are flattened into brands. Our personalities filtered for consumption. Even our thoughts pass through the lens of: “Will this make me more likable?”
The result? Creative Health paralysis.
When we’re stuck in performance mode, our brains become hyper-vigilant to potential rejection - and this fear dampens our creativity. Research shows that constant self-monitoring reduces our capacity for divergent thinking, or that cognitive foundation of originality.
But, the real cost isn’t just mental and creative - it’s existential. When we lose access to our originality, our risk tolerance drops. We self-censor, play small, and repeat what’s already been done in life writ large.
And over time, we begin to forget who we really are.
Living from an inauthentic place doesn’t just dim our creative spark - it slowly erodes our sense of agency, meaning, and fulfillment. It leaves us without a compass.
And, without that agency - or the belief that we are the authors of our thoughts, choices, and lives - we start outsourcing our identity. We look to the algorithm for inspiration. To trends for direction. To others for permission.
Carl Jung once wrote, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
Because, the ultimate sign of a creatively healthy life is bringing your backstage self to the front. Here’s how you can begin.
Unlocking Your Creative Authenticity: Lean Into The Cringe
Let’s clear something up: Authenticity isn’t a personality trait. It’s a skill.
And, the way we strengthen it is by giving ourselves privacy and safety to mess up, experiment and be weird.
That’s because creativity thrives in what psychologists call “low evaluation pressure” - or environments where you’re not being judged, watched, or optimized. One study even showed that under surveillance or fear of critique, our brains actually generate fewer ideas, and the ones we do come up with are less original.
Basically, we need to strengthen our creative voice in our personal, mini-c creative practice. The time and place where no one else is watching - except you.
That’s why I like to call your backstage self your creative lab.
It’s where you can rebel. Play. Experiment. It’s where you’re allowed to make a mess without worrying how it looks. And the longer you stay back there - practicing, failing, cringing - the more courage you build to bring that version of yourself to the front.
In our work at Daydreamers, we’ve found that authenticity is a practice grounded in science. And, in order to reclaim it, we’ve developed a three-step process:
Spot the script you’ve been unconsciously following - the rules you’ve absorbed about what’s acceptable, impressive, or “on brand.”
Break the pattern through small, private acts of rebellion: creating badly, writing nonsense, sharing something unpolished.
Strengthen your creative voice by building your taste, originality, and risk tolerance over time.
Because, at the end of the day, creative authenticity isn’t just about being brave - it’s about becoming whole.
When we stop performing and start creating from our inner world - not the algorithm - we begin to experience something researchers call self-transcendence: the sense that we are living from a deeper, truer part of ourselves, connected to something larger than performance or perfection.
It’s the feeling of being in flow. Of doing something meaningful. Of disappearing into the creative act - and being fully, unapologetically alive.
Here’s the interesting part: self-transcendence starts with emotional risk.
Doing something that feels cringey, silly, or raw is not a sign you're failing - it’s a sign you're close to your truth. Research shows that when we take emotional risks, we’re more likely to build deep connection and trust. In fact, one study found we connect 40x more deeply with someone who is authentic than someone we simply admire.
Why? Because vulnerability signals safety. It makes other people feel safe to be themselves, too.
In other words, your weirdness is the bridge. And, the more you build tolerance for feeling cringe, the more freedom you unlock.
And, this is exactly where real creative fulfillment begins - not when we impress others, but when our front stage and backstage selves start to align.
Ready to start giving yourself - and in turn all of us - permission to stop performing? Me too 🧠
- Katina
Daydreamers’ Co-Founder and Chief Science Officer
Break Out Of Conformity 🚀
After years of research and working with thousands of non-artists to strengthen their Creative Health, we’ve distilled the 3 most common creative blocks into interactive, science-backed journeys designed to reawaken your spark. All at your own pace.
Conformity is our journey rooted in the latest neuroscience and psychology of belonging, authenticity, and what we jokingly call creative exposure therapy - a fun way to cultivate your unique creative taste. Come join the Daydreamers crew!
Your Creative Health Protocol 🧠
This newsletter gives you the why behind strengthening your Creative Health. Daydreamers gives you the tools to try it out in real life - here’s a taste.
Try Out Creative Exposure Therapy
Learning: When life becomes a performance, our creative brain literally goes quiet. Research shows that creativity thrives under “low evaluation pressure” - environments where we’re free from judgment, surveillance, or optimization. But in a world where we’re always on display, this kind of safety takes practice. The good news? We can re-train our brains to feel safe enough to create - by slowly building tolerance for risk, imperfection, and yes… a little cringe.
Action: Do one thing today that feels creatively rebellious. Sing, badly. Dance in the kitchen. This isn’t about performance - it’s about practicing authenticity, in micro-moments. Because the more you can be yourself in private, the more freedom you’ll feel in public.
Expand Your Creative Brain 🪐
One of the most overlooked ways to strengthen your Creative Health? Feeding your brain fresh inputs. Originality isn’t created in a vacuum - it’s born from exposure, curiosity, and exploration. So, here’s what we’ve been reading, listening to, and thinking about lately - instead of doomscrolling and falling into the algorithm.
📖 Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino
Hands down, one of my favorite books of all time - and, must-read if you’ve ever felt like your personality was turning into a brand. In her essay collection, Jia dissects the pressure to perform in a digital world. My favorite? Start with the essay “Always Be Optimizing” - you’ll never look at self-improvement the same way again.
🎧 On Cultivating Taste with Ezra Klein x Kyle Chayka
This conversation explores what it means to develop taste in a world where algorithms decide what we see. How do we reclaim personal aesthetic? Where does your taste actually come from? It’s a perfect listen.
💬 Your Turn: What does authenticity mean to you right now? Is it freedom? An annoying buzzword? A practice you’re working on? Share in the comments! 🧠💭
As always, thank you for thinking with me - and our crew at DD HQ - this week. If this post sparked anything for you, please consider liking, commenting or sharing it with someone who needs it. It’s our mission to help as many people as we can - and every form of engagement helps. Your voice is an act of creativity - and we appreciate every single one 🤎🧠🪐