A beautiful life requires friction

Why it's not a "soft life" we're after - but a meaningful one.

In some ways - the wrong ways, frankly - life has become too easy.

We live by swipes and clicks: Groceries ordered without leaving the couch. Payments made without eye contact. Even tasks that once required some thinking like say, writing an email, are outsourced in a matter of seconds.

It’s not just you - we live in a frictionless, transactional world.

This version of the “soft” life isn’t just eerily dystopian; it comes at an invisible, psychological cost, too:

As we’ve stripped the friction out of life, we’ve also removed the potential for meaning, beauty and creativity.

Creativity is, quite candidly, born in the messiness of life. Our creative brains require friction - not ease - to develop. They crave novelty, challenge and even discomfort. But, as we continue to sanitize our lives, they, too, lose their spark.

Living in a frictionless world doesn’t just erase our creativity, which some might say (not us!) is a “nice to have.” It’s one of the core reasons we all feel numb, bored and detached.

At Daydreamers, we’ve been studying this psychological state for years - one that’s unfortunately becoming increasingly more common. We half-jokingly call this seemingly ubiquitous experience Autopilot Mode.

And, quite honestly - it’s the entire reason I got interested in studying Creative Health in the first place. For a long time, it’s how I felt every day of my life.

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Hey there - Katina here. I’m a Creative Health Scientist, and the Co-founder & Chief Science Officer of Daydreamers. Every week, I explore the science of Creative Health - or how we can all live the most meaningful, beautiful, and creative lives.

If you're new here: Welcome. I'm so glad you found us. And if you’ve been reading for a while - thank you. I’m so grateful you’re building a creatively healthy world with us.

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Autopilot Mode: The Psychology Behind Running on Life’s Hamster Wheel

Autopilot Mode isn’t burnout or depression.

I think it’s safe to say we’ve all felt it’s edges before: It’s that strange, numb feeling when life has become too repetitive and too optimized. It’s the secret moments we ask ourselves, even with a twinge of guilt: Shouldn’t there be more to this?

Psychologically, this experience can go by many names: Languishing. Cynicism. Hedonic adaptation, even.

It’s what happens when ease becomes the goal, instead of engagement. When pleasure and quick hits of dopamine override our natural drive for enjoyment and meaning. The kind of moments that requires effort, novelty, and creative tension.

More than anything, from my own experience and based on thousands of conversations we’ve had with Daydreamers members, Autopilot Mode tends to be a shameful and lonely place. It can feel embarrassing even worrying about it with everything happening in our world.

Still, you may have had the passing thought (one too many times): My life is “good” from the outside - but why does it feel so robotic?

If this resonates on any level, you’re not alone. “Autopilot Mode” is a core facet of human life that both philosophers and scientists have been exploring for years. Back in the 1980s, our favorite researcher, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi referenced it as:

“…the need to restore your palate, jaded by the repetitive routines of everyday life.”

But, as technology has been quietly removing life’s friction at hyper-speed, it’s impact has increased drastically. We mistakenly think that our quest for convenience has left us more space in our day to focus on bigger, more thoughtful parts of life - but, in the absence of tension, something inside us stops firing. Our curiosity dims. Our energy flattens. And ultimately, our creativity disappears.

That’s because we’ve trained our brains - whether we realize it or not - to avoid anything that feels slow, awkward, or hard. Scientifically, those moments of discomfort are exactly what we need more of.

Friction is feedback: it tells you you’re alive. It tells you you’re learning. And, it’s the starting point of transformation.

From my point of view what we’re really craving isn’t less effort - it’s better effort. Here’s how we begin to make our way back to it.

Getting Out Of Autopilot: Shifting From Pleasure to Enjoyment

As a way to jolt us out of our numbness, naturally, we begin to look for pleasure.

Pleasure is consumable. It’s passive. It’s easy.

And quite honestly, as a Creative Health Scientist (and self-proclaimed headonist 🤓) I’m not here to tell you it’s bad. It feels amazing in the moment, that’s for sure. And generally, it can soothe us, restore us and even relax us.

Pleasure is a bite of ice cream on a hot day. It’s laughing at a reality TV show from bed. It’s even that satisfying click of booking a vacation.

But, biologically - it does nothing for us in the long-term. It doesn’t make life feel full. It doesn’t change us. Often, it doesn’t even last in our memory.

The scientific term for pleasure is hedonic well-being, which translates simply to feeling good in the moment. And, based on some (slightly controversial) scientific research, we all have our own hedonic set point - the happiness level that we return to, no matter how much pleasure we experience.

So, if it’s not pleasure that will jolt us out of Autopilot Mode and into feeling alive - then what?

That’s where the right kind of effort - enjoyment - comes in.

Let’s be clear about one thing: Enjoyment isn’t just having fun. In fact, it isn’t always pleasurable in the moment. But, over time, it what makes life feel more meaningful, more complex, and more alive.

Psychologist Carol Ryff calls this kind of fulfillment eudaimonic well-being: It’s the sense of purpose, growth, and self-actualization that comes from fully engaging with life - even when it’s uncomfortable.

In her decades of research, she’s shown that true well-being isn’t just about momentary happiness. It’s about living in alignment with your deeper values. In fact, Ryff developed one of the most widely used models of psychological well-being, made up of six core dimensions that contribute to a flourishing life.

Studies using this model have found that people who cultivate eudaimonic well-being - especially through effortful, value-aligned activities like creative expression - tend to have:

• Lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone

• Stronger immune function

• Greater life satisfaction and resilience

• And even(!) positive gene expression changes as it relates to inflammation and stress response

So while hedonic pleasure might give us a short-term boost, it’s effortful, meaning-centered engagement that’s biologically and psychologically transformational.

Secret note: On the Daydreamers platform we use Ryff’s psychological well-being scales to measure your Creative Health 🤓

And friction? It’s the pathway in.

That’s because true enjoyment is active, not passive. It requires effort, attention, and challenge. It’s building a piece of furniture, even when the instructions make no sense. It’s finally finishing that creative project you said you would. It’s struggling with a new language, laughing through your mistakes, and still coming back to try again.

This kind of challenge - the good kind - activates something scientists call eustress: a form of positive stress that energizes us rather than depletes us. We’ve talked a bit about this before, but unlike distress, which overwhelms our system, eustress is that subtle internal spark that comes from doing something new, slightly uncomfortable, or personally meaningful.

It’s the feeling of being stretched - but not broken.

Neurologically, eustress activates the brain’s reward system - particularly dopamine pathways tied to motivation and learning - helping us stay engaged, alert, and resilient in the face of challenge. And, it often lays the foundation for creative flow - that state where time disappears, and your brain is completely immersed in that meaningful effort.

At Daydreamers, we actually (lovingly) call mini-c creative expression effortful enjoyment. Because it’s not always easy - and that’s exactly the point:

Creative expression - in any form - requires us to step into the unfamiliar, to tolerate being a beginner, to fumble through setting up your tools, to “not like” what we made - and still show up again tomorrow.

In that way, it’s more than just a silly hobby or a luxury we get to do once we’re really living the soft life. It becomes a form of psychological resilience. A reset button to “restore your palette.”

A return to yourself.

And, the more often we experience effortful enjoyment in small, everyday moments, the more we strengthen our capacity for meaning, presence, and vitality. And over time, these micro-moments become the antidote to Autopilot Mode - reconnecting us not just to our creativity, but to life itself.

So if you’ve been feeling numb, bored, or disconnected - know that it’s not a personal failure. It’s a biological response to a frictionless world.

But, there’s good news: The antidote isn’t far - and doing it is an act of resistance in our world today. Creative friction, effortful enjoyment and leaning into the discomfort of life is exactly how we return to feeling fully alive.

One tiny step at a time 🪐🧠

- Katina

Daydreamers’ Co-Founder and Chief Science Officer

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Get out of Autopilot Mode 🚀

After years of research and working with thousands of non-artists to strengthen their Creative Health, we’ve distilled the 3 most common creative blocks into interactive, science-backed journeys designed to reawaken your spark. All at your own pace.

Autopilot Mode is our journey rooted in the latest neuroscience and psychology of play, novelty, and what we call effortful enjoyment - the kind of active engagement that helps your brain feel truly alive again. Come join the Daydreamers crew!

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Your Creative Health Protocol 🧠

This newsletter gives you the why behind strengthening your Creative Health. Daydreamers gives you the tools to try it out in real life - here’s a taste.

Seek out Creative Friction

• Learning: True well-being isn’t found in constant ease - it’s found in effortful enjoyment. The kind of positive challenge that activates eustress, rewires your brain’s motivation systems, and lays the foundation for meaningful, lasting fulfillment. Research shows that when we put effort into something, we tend to value it more - a phenomenon called the IKEA effect.

• Action: Choose a creative act that feels slightly unfamiliar, slow, or awkward - and commit to sticking with it, even in the discomfort. At Daydreamers, we even say that setting up your creative tools or workspace can feel like a moment of friction - but instead of seeing it as a hurdle, lean in. What happens on the other side?

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Expand Your Creative Brain 🪐

Exposure to new ideas is an essential part of Creative Health. So, here’s what we’ve been enjoying, digesting, exploring and expanding - instead of doomscrolling and going down the (wrong) kind of rabbit holes.

📖: Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. This book is a core, foundational recommendation in the Daydreamers Universe - I’m personally re-reading it and it couldn’t align more with this week’s emphasis on enjoyment as a pathway to meaning.

💭: The Fun Scale. Not all fun is “fun.” I heard about this concept years ago and it’s put so much in perspective. And, anything Yvon Chouinard is a fan of, so am I.

🫶🏽: Yes, resistance is joyful. Life has been feeling so hard lately. But, we can bring joy, meaning and catharsis to resistance - in fact, it’s been a core component since the beginning of time. I loved this reminder.

Share in the comments: What does creative friction look like in your life? Do you avoid it - or lean in? Share your thoughts so everyone in the DD community can learn, connect + feel inspired, too 🧠

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As always, thank you for thinking with me - and our crew at DD HQ - this week. If this post sparked anything for you, please consider liking, commenting or sharing it with someone who needs it. It’s our mission to help as many people as we can - and every form of engagement helps. Your voice is an act of creativity - and we appreciate every single one 🤎🧠🪐